People Who Don't Like Seinfeld

 

 These people are rare but it is shocking when you actually come across one of these fucking weirdos.  Can you believe there are really some people who dislike this show?  Call me crazy but I find these people off-putting.

This show was so great that it literally set the bar for all other sitcoms to be measured up against.  It really might be the most consistently funny show in history.  It makes you wonder, if these people don't find Seinfeld funny, then what the fuck are they laughing at?!?

I am absolutely convinced that these people are missing the "funny gene" that allows normal people to tell what is funny and appropriate to be laughed at.  Sarcasm?.....a foreign concept.  Irony?....forget about it.  Farce?....too confusing. 

I'm willing to bet anything that it's these same assholes that thought George Lopez was funny and kept him on TV.  It actually makes perfect sense...they have no idea what's funny.  What idiots watched that show?  Not a single person I have asked actually think he's funny.  How did he get his own talk show now?  There must be some conspiracy to keep this idiot on the air.  I find it hard to believe that talking loud in a Mexican accent while not making any actual jokes is funny to anybody...besides the same fuckfaces that don't like Seinfeld.

These peoples have no funny bone.  Canned laughter couldn't save these morons.  People who don't like Seinfeld,  you have no sense of humor and I hate you.

People with Monogrammed LL Bean Bookbags

Ohhman...these fucking nerds are all over the place in DC.  Bunch of wannabe prepsters with their initials on their backpacks bought at a wannabe outdoors store. 

Apparently there are so many of these toolbags walking around that they needed to put their initials on their bags so they wouldn't confuse one ugly ass bag with another.  You will usually see them traveling in packs because they are weak willed and co-dependent...which is probably why they felt the need to get this bag like everybody else anyway.

Its one thing to buy an ugly bag...its a whole other thing to need your initials on it.  Let me tell you this, if you can't tell which bag is yours, then you're so fucking stupid that you should just put a bullet in your head now because life only gets tougher from here.

If you ask me, these people are walking targets to get mugged.  Clearly they have money because they're getting their shit monogrammed....And they shop at LL Bean so they have no balls.  Perfect recipe for a mark.

Personally I'm tired of seeing these fucking things.  Actually, I just saw one of these things on the bus the other day.  Immediately I got the urge to knock the 14 year old kid over.  I didn't, because I actually have self control sometimes, but it was definitely the first thing I thought of.  

The amount of tools walking around with these things has reached monumental proportions and personally, I can't take it anymore.  People with monogrammed LL Bean bags, I hope you lose your bag and I hate you.

People Who Don't Clean Up After Their Dogs

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People who Abbreviate their First Names

What a bunch of pretentious cocksuckers...I don't know about you, but I cringe every time I see one of these signs on the road.

Where do these people get off abbreviating their first names? I thought everybody was on board with Joeseph being shortened to Joe, and Thomas being shortened to Tom. Where the fuck did "Jos." and "Thos." come from? Perfectly good, natural nicknames being cast aside to look like a dickhead.

When I think of the type of person that goes by Jos. or Thos., he is either from the 1800's wearing a tailed tuxedo with a top hat, or some preppy douchebag at a country club and is probably named Jos. Dicklicker "III" or "IV". The latter is probably wearing a Lacoste Polo with salmon colored pants and boat shoes.

These wannabe 18th century assholes have their noses in the air looking down at all the regular people like Joe and Tom. Well I'm not going to stand for that shit. When your name is Charles and you go by "Chas." it's time for you to kill yourself. Nobody is fooled into thinking you're classier than Chuck and Charlie. People who abbreviate your first name...you need a time machine and I hate you.

People who Leave their Laundry for Hours

Where do these people get off? These assholes think nobody has anything better to do than to wait for them to pick up their dried clothes. Well they have another thing coming to them if they think they can get away with this shit forever.

You want to leave clothes in the dryer for a few hours? It better be in your own house or on your own damn time at 4am. Something has to be done about this.

There is only one thing that gets the attention of somebody with no regard for other people...sweet sweet revenge. All it will take is one person pissed enough to do something about it. These douchebags come back 2 hours later to discover their clothes are missing...or peed on....or maybe some dog shit. Hell...its worth a dollar to turn it on again so they can get skidmarks on all their clothes....and one could only hope they actually pick it up when it's still hot...their face when they open that thing would be absolutely priceless....I imagine a plume of greenish gas enveloping their entire body and then they would simultaneously pass out and puke all over themselves.

In any case, its guaranteed that they, and nobody that ever heard what happened will leave their clothes alone for so long. One vigilante could be doing a favors to hundreds of people who are sick of this bullshit....maybe millions if the story hits the web. It would really suck for the person it happened to, but fuck 'em, they brought this on themselves when they gave the rest of the world the finger. People who leave their laundry for hours, your time is running out, and I hate you.

People who are Unknowingly Racist

That's right bitch...Shhhhhhhhhhhut the fuck up before you make yourself look any dumber. Lil Mama is just my focal piece of a larger problem...people who are unknowingly racist.

So last night on America's Best Dance Crew (that's right...I watch it...and the show is freakin awesome), the retard above said something that made my brain hurt. She basically gave props to an all black crew from Brooklyn for not being criminals....yea...seriously. And just so you don't think I heard it wrong, I'm going to publish her exact quote:

"I think ya'll are great, and just to let the world know why I go hard for ya'll is because young dudes that ya age that's back home (Brooklyn) robbin' and stealin' and doin anything it takes to take the top spot on the block and I respect the fact that ya got together and ya came here and ya doin your numbers for real. I just wanna let ya'll know that I really respect ya'll."

So basically, Lil Mama is very impressed that these guys managed to choose something other than committing crimes to spend their days, and thats why she roots for them more than just for their dancing.

Not to take away from their dancing at all, because they're really good, but shouldn't we be surprised when people START committing crimes instead of when they don't?? Call me crazy, but I don't expect all young black men from Brooklyn to become criminals....and there is something inherently racist when you do...and especially stupid when you're saying it as a compliment.

Lil Mama, you are officially a stupid racist. Your main claim to fame before this show is a song called "Chicken Noodle Soup" that has 9 different words in it. Stick to what you know. You're definitely not the only unknowingly racist person in the world, but you're definitely the most recent in my mind. People who are unknowingly racist, you suck ass and I hate you.

Stealth Facebook Defrienders

These people fucking suck....friggin salad tossers defriending you on Facebook without any kind of warning. What kind of backhanded pussy shit is that?

Normally, I wouldn't have even noticed such cowardly bullshit...that is, until I reached a milestone. That's right folks, I officially reached 500 on Facebook. I think they give you a third world child as a prize so I'll look out for that in the mail...and something to look forward to for the rest of you.

Anyways, after hitting 502 on Thursday...I see my score go down to 501 on Friday. No big deal right? Somebody must have just realized they didn't know me or something. Another check-up on Saturday, and I'm back down to an even 500. WTF? This negative trend is affecting my online mojo.

I didn't get any kind of message from somebody all pissed off or whatever....that would have been the decent thing to do. Instead, I'm left guessing as to who doesn't even want me in their friends list...well fuck you too dickhead...I didn't need the numbers...but at least we could have had a proper falling out.

You mother fuckers are lucky I'm busy or I'd do some detective work and find out who the unconfrontational pussies are....then I'd make you online pee your pants, online cry, and then online beg me to take you back...in which case I'd take you back only to drop you without notice...that's right, payback's a bitch fuckface. Stealth Facebook Defrienders, I hate you, whoever the fuck you are.

Black Celebrities Who Now First Feel Accepted in America

Where the fuck do these people get off? Apparently it took Barack Obama for black celebrities like Oprah and Will Smith to feel like they're accepted and belong....Are they retarded or just plain stupid?

Oprah has been on TV for 22 years, billions of dollars, a magazine with her namesake, millions of fans, unreal influence over the public, and is one of the few people in the world who is famous enough to go by their first name only.

Will Smith likewise has been in the public eye for over 20 years; won the first Grammy ever for Rap; Fresh Prince of Bel Air was everybody's favorite show; He is the only actor in history to have eight consecutive films gross over $100 million in the domestic box office as well as being the only actor to have eight consecutive films open at #1 on the domestic box office as a Lead Actor.

Wow....America really hated these two before Barack Obama came around. That must be why they're two of the most popular and well liked people in the entire country...because black people aren't accepted. Maybe they didn't always have the greatest lives, but they officially relinquished all rights to bitch about feeling like they don't belong in America after America made them ridiculously rich.

It's like Steven Spielberg and Barbara Streisand complaining to Larry King how they just dont feel like they belong in America because there has never been a Jewish President, and then King agreeing. Maybe next week Sandra Oh and Lucy Liu will get together on CNN and gripe about how they feel like they aren't accepted in America since there has never been an Asian President....Fuckin Ridiculous.

If Obama's HopeNchange Inc. changes anything or makes anybody feel accepted, it'll be the regular people and the future generations of regular people....Let them have this one. Grievances are best left for those that have them. Complaining about not feeling accepted when it's clear to everybody that you are is...well...fucking stupid.

Black Celebrities who are now first feeling accepted in America because of Obama, you dummies need a reality check and I hate you.

Men Who Pee in Stalls

These people fucking kill me....guys not having the decency to pee where they're supposed to.

Perfectly good urinals going unused....These things are made specifically for somebody to pee into when some douchebag decides he's going to piss all over a toilet seat instead. What kind of selfish prick do you have to be to fuck things up for everybody else?

Pissing on a toilet seat and not cleaning up after yourself is basically giving the finger to every other guy that could possibly use it. It's one thing to do it anonymously at a fast food place or an airport or someplace like that where nobody knows you....it takes a special kind of asshole to repeatedly do this to people they work with in an office. This sociopathic shit has got to end!

My guess is these "Men" must be too embarrassed to piss in urinals like the rest of us. .There could only be for a couple of reasons for such egocentric behavior, mostly circulating around these guys having various dick problems.

One reason could be that their dick so small that pissing on their own balls is a distinct possibility. That shit would embarrass anybody.....but here's what I don't understand.....why don't you just sit down like a little girl and keep the seat nice and clean for the rest of us?

From watching too much TV I'm guessing "weak stream" might be another reason piss would land all over the seat....sounds like something to look forward to in my twilight years. But still, take a seat if you can't reach the velocity necessary to make it to the toilet.

In any case, theres no reason for this shit to happen. I'm guessing that you don't piss all over your seats at home and leave it like that....Why should I have to first clean the seat before I take the throne? I think they execute you for shit like that in North Korea....almost makes me jealous.

I think some public embarrassment is in order....maybe organizing an office intervention or a mass email....in any case, men who pee in stalls, clean up after yourselves you fucking slobs, you're a fucking disgrace and of course, I hate you.

Professional Athletes Who Suck at Life

There are few people less infuriating....Professional athletes acting a complete fool in their personal lives.

Look, the Pros have God given gifts in athletic ability that the rest of us will never match in our lives no matter how hard we try, and these douchebags can't handle their shit.

Yo Plax...your agent's on the phone...he said you might as well go for the trifecta and videotape yourself doing blow and killing a stripper. So, this weekend, word came out that Plaxico Burress was out at a bar and shot himself in the leg like Cheddar Bob from 8 Mile....wow...give yourself a round of applause you stupid piece of shit!

PacMan Jones is almost too easy. This retard has a rap sheet that could fill a novel, and that's just from his days in the NFL. His record from high school should have barred him from college and his record from college should have automatically disqualified him from the NFL. There is a three strike rule in the NFL, and he managed to rack up 9 arrests, four of which were violent. Six if you want to count the 2 misdemeanor assaults on 2 occassions for spitting in girls faces (he seems to have a thing for it).

Assholes like this shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets let alone get idolized and paid a lot of money. Ridiculed...not role models. Pariahs...not praised. Defenestrated....not Deified. Maybe that last one was pushing it, but you get the point.

Pros are some of the luckiest people on the planet...they get to play a sport they love...and they're better at it than almost everybody else in the world. Is it that much to ask to not break the law? I guess maybe it is sometimes....shit, Ricky Williams quit the NFL so he could smoke weed...but now he's back....again. I guess he figured out that you need money to buy pot. Wouldn't it have been a better idea to just play in the NFL for 10 years and then retire in Amsterdam? Then you can smoke your brains out and do whatever you want for the rest of your life, fuckin' dummy.

Here's a couple of simple rules for Pro Athletes to follow so they don't fuck up their careers...

1. Don't break the law - including but not limited to:
a)Drugs - Doing them and Selling them are both frowned upon (that's right Cowboys, I'm looking at you)
b)Fighting - Dog, Cock, Human - All Bad
c)Illegal Guns - Very Bad...If you're allowed to have a gun, you'd prob know...they come from stores...not back alleys/car trunks/friend of a friend
i)Shooting illegal guns - didn't I just fucking tell you not to have one?
ii)Shooting illegal guns near the White House - Next time just put one in your head...you'll be doing everybody else a favor

2. Don't hurt yourself doing something stupid.
a)Motorcycles - Your a pro athlete, you shouldn't need one to get laid
b)STD's - If some girl is going to bang you for being a Pro, it's prob not her first time...best to wrap it up - remember...nothing ends a season like Hepatitis

That should about cover the majority of problems...If you're that big an idiot, hire somebody to make decisions for you. I would be more than willing to offer my services. For a fraction of your league fines and legal fees, you PacMan could avoid jail and having to worry about what your spitting. Gross...I know....Pro Athletes who suck at life, I hate you.