People Who Don't Like Seinfeld

 

 These people are rare but it is shocking when you actually come across one of these fucking weirdos.  Can you believe there are really some people who dislike this show?  Call me crazy but I find these people off-putting.

This show was so great that it literally set the bar for all other sitcoms to be measured up against.  It really might be the most consistently funny show in history.  It makes you wonder, if these people don't find Seinfeld funny, then what the fuck are they laughing at?!?

I am absolutely convinced that these people are missing the "funny gene" that allows normal people to tell what is funny and appropriate to be laughed at.  Sarcasm?.....a foreign concept.  Irony?....forget about it.  Farce?....too confusing. 

I'm willing to bet anything that it's these same assholes that thought George Lopez was funny and kept him on TV.  It actually makes perfect sense...they have no idea what's funny.  What idiots watched that show?  Not a single person I have asked actually think he's funny.  How did he get his own talk show now?  There must be some conspiracy to keep this idiot on the air.  I find it hard to believe that talking loud in a Mexican accent while not making any actual jokes is funny to anybody...besides the same fuckfaces that don't like Seinfeld.

These peoples have no funny bone.  Canned laughter couldn't save these morons.  People who don't like Seinfeld,  you have no sense of humor and I hate you.

People with Monogrammed LL Bean Bookbags

Ohhman...these fucking nerds are all over the place in DC.  Bunch of wannabe prepsters with their initials on their backpacks bought at a wannabe outdoors store. 

Apparently there are so many of these toolbags walking around that they needed to put their initials on their bags so they wouldn't confuse one ugly ass bag with another.  You will usually see them traveling in packs because they are weak willed and co-dependent...which is probably why they felt the need to get this bag like everybody else anyway.

Its one thing to buy an ugly bag...its a whole other thing to need your initials on it.  Let me tell you this, if you can't tell which bag is yours, then you're so fucking stupid that you should just put a bullet in your head now because life only gets tougher from here.

If you ask me, these people are walking targets to get mugged.  Clearly they have money because they're getting their shit monogrammed....And they shop at LL Bean so they have no balls.  Perfect recipe for a mark.

Personally I'm tired of seeing these fucking things.  Actually, I just saw one of these things on the bus the other day.  Immediately I got the urge to knock the 14 year old kid over.  I didn't, because I actually have self control sometimes, but it was definitely the first thing I thought of.  

The amount of tools walking around with these things has reached monumental proportions and personally, I can't take it anymore.  People with monogrammed LL Bean bags, I hope you lose your bag and I hate you.

People Who Don't Clean Up After Their Dogs

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People who Abbreviate their First Names

What a bunch of pretentious cocksuckers...I don't know about you, but I cringe every time I see one of these signs on the road.

Where do these people get off abbreviating their first names? I thought everybody was on board with Joeseph being shortened to Joe, and Thomas being shortened to Tom. Where the fuck did "Jos." and "Thos." come from? Perfectly good, natural nicknames being cast aside to look like a dickhead.

When I think of the type of person that goes by Jos. or Thos., he is either from the 1800's wearing a tailed tuxedo with a top hat, or some preppy douchebag at a country club and is probably named Jos. Dicklicker "III" or "IV". The latter is probably wearing a Lacoste Polo with salmon colored pants and boat shoes.

These wannabe 18th century assholes have their noses in the air looking down at all the regular people like Joe and Tom. Well I'm not going to stand for that shit. When your name is Charles and you go by "Chas." it's time for you to kill yourself. Nobody is fooled into thinking you're classier than Chuck and Charlie. People who abbreviate your first name...you need a time machine and I hate you.

People who Leave their Laundry for Hours

Where do these people get off? These assholes think nobody has anything better to do than to wait for them to pick up their dried clothes. Well they have another thing coming to them if they think they can get away with this shit forever.

You want to leave clothes in the dryer for a few hours? It better be in your own house or on your own damn time at 4am. Something has to be done about this.

There is only one thing that gets the attention of somebody with no regard for other people...sweet sweet revenge. All it will take is one person pissed enough to do something about it. These douchebags come back 2 hours later to discover their clothes are missing...or peed on....or maybe some dog shit. Hell...its worth a dollar to turn it on again so they can get skidmarks on all their clothes....and one could only hope they actually pick it up when it's still hot...their face when they open that thing would be absolutely priceless....I imagine a plume of greenish gas enveloping their entire body and then they would simultaneously pass out and puke all over themselves.

In any case, its guaranteed that they, and nobody that ever heard what happened will leave their clothes alone for so long. One vigilante could be doing a favors to hundreds of people who are sick of this bullshit....maybe millions if the story hits the web. It would really suck for the person it happened to, but fuck 'em, they brought this on themselves when they gave the rest of the world the finger. People who leave their laundry for hours, your time is running out, and I hate you.

People who are Unknowingly Racist

That's right bitch...Shhhhhhhhhhhut the fuck up before you make yourself look any dumber. Lil Mama is just my focal piece of a larger problem...people who are unknowingly racist.

So last night on America's Best Dance Crew (that's right...I watch it...and the show is freakin awesome), the retard above said something that made my brain hurt. She basically gave props to an all black crew from Brooklyn for not being criminals....yea...seriously. And just so you don't think I heard it wrong, I'm going to publish her exact quote:

"I think ya'll are great, and just to let the world know why I go hard for ya'll is because young dudes that ya age that's back home (Brooklyn) robbin' and stealin' and doin anything it takes to take the top spot on the block and I respect the fact that ya got together and ya came here and ya doin your numbers for real. I just wanna let ya'll know that I really respect ya'll."

So basically, Lil Mama is very impressed that these guys managed to choose something other than committing crimes to spend their days, and thats why she roots for them more than just for their dancing.

Not to take away from their dancing at all, because they're really good, but shouldn't we be surprised when people START committing crimes instead of when they don't?? Call me crazy, but I don't expect all young black men from Brooklyn to become criminals....and there is something inherently racist when you do...and especially stupid when you're saying it as a compliment.

Lil Mama, you are officially a stupid racist. Your main claim to fame before this show is a song called "Chicken Noodle Soup" that has 9 different words in it. Stick to what you know. You're definitely not the only unknowingly racist person in the world, but you're definitely the most recent in my mind. People who are unknowingly racist, you suck ass and I hate you.

Stealth Facebook Defrienders

These people fucking suck....friggin salad tossers defriending you on Facebook without any kind of warning. What kind of backhanded pussy shit is that?

Normally, I wouldn't have even noticed such cowardly bullshit...that is, until I reached a milestone. That's right folks, I officially reached 500 on Facebook. I think they give you a third world child as a prize so I'll look out for that in the mail...and something to look forward to for the rest of you.

Anyways, after hitting 502 on Thursday...I see my score go down to 501 on Friday. No big deal right? Somebody must have just realized they didn't know me or something. Another check-up on Saturday, and I'm back down to an even 500. WTF? This negative trend is affecting my online mojo.

I didn't get any kind of message from somebody all pissed off or whatever....that would have been the decent thing to do. Instead, I'm left guessing as to who doesn't even want me in their friends list...well fuck you too dickhead...I didn't need the numbers...but at least we could have had a proper falling out.

You mother fuckers are lucky I'm busy or I'd do some detective work and find out who the unconfrontational pussies are....then I'd make you online pee your pants, online cry, and then online beg me to take you back...in which case I'd take you back only to drop you without notice...that's right, payback's a bitch fuckface. Stealth Facebook Defrienders, I hate you, whoever the fuck you are.

Black Celebrities Who Now First Feel Accepted in America

Where the fuck do these people get off? Apparently it took Barack Obama for black celebrities like Oprah and Will Smith to feel like they're accepted and belong....Are they retarded or just plain stupid?

Oprah has been on TV for 22 years, billions of dollars, a magazine with her namesake, millions of fans, unreal influence over the public, and is one of the few people in the world who is famous enough to go by their first name only.

Will Smith likewise has been in the public eye for over 20 years; won the first Grammy ever for Rap; Fresh Prince of Bel Air was everybody's favorite show; He is the only actor in history to have eight consecutive films gross over $100 million in the domestic box office as well as being the only actor to have eight consecutive films open at #1 on the domestic box office as a Lead Actor.

Wow....America really hated these two before Barack Obama came around. That must be why they're two of the most popular and well liked people in the entire country...because black people aren't accepted. Maybe they didn't always have the greatest lives, but they officially relinquished all rights to bitch about feeling like they don't belong in America after America made them ridiculously rich.

It's like Steven Spielberg and Barbara Streisand complaining to Larry King how they just dont feel like they belong in America because there has never been a Jewish President, and then King agreeing. Maybe next week Sandra Oh and Lucy Liu will get together on CNN and gripe about how they feel like they aren't accepted in America since there has never been an Asian President....Fuckin Ridiculous.

If Obama's HopeNchange Inc. changes anything or makes anybody feel accepted, it'll be the regular people and the future generations of regular people....Let them have this one. Grievances are best left for those that have them. Complaining about not feeling accepted when it's clear to everybody that you are is...well...fucking stupid.

Black Celebrities who are now first feeling accepted in America because of Obama, you dummies need a reality check and I hate you.

Men Who Pee in Stalls

These people fucking kill me....guys not having the decency to pee where they're supposed to.

Perfectly good urinals going unused....These things are made specifically for somebody to pee into when some douchebag decides he's going to piss all over a toilet seat instead. What kind of selfish prick do you have to be to fuck things up for everybody else?

Pissing on a toilet seat and not cleaning up after yourself is basically giving the finger to every other guy that could possibly use it. It's one thing to do it anonymously at a fast food place or an airport or someplace like that where nobody knows you....it takes a special kind of asshole to repeatedly do this to people they work with in an office. This sociopathic shit has got to end!

My guess is these "Men" must be too embarrassed to piss in urinals like the rest of us. .There could only be for a couple of reasons for such egocentric behavior, mostly circulating around these guys having various dick problems.

One reason could be that their dick so small that pissing on their own balls is a distinct possibility. That shit would embarrass anybody.....but here's what I don't understand.....why don't you just sit down like a little girl and keep the seat nice and clean for the rest of us?

From watching too much TV I'm guessing "weak stream" might be another reason piss would land all over the seat....sounds like something to look forward to in my twilight years. But still, take a seat if you can't reach the velocity necessary to make it to the toilet.

In any case, theres no reason for this shit to happen. I'm guessing that you don't piss all over your seats at home and leave it like that....Why should I have to first clean the seat before I take the throne? I think they execute you for shit like that in North Korea....almost makes me jealous.

I think some public embarrassment is in order....maybe organizing an office intervention or a mass email....in any case, men who pee in stalls, clean up after yourselves you fucking slobs, you're a fucking disgrace and of course, I hate you.

Professional Athletes Who Suck at Life

There are few people less infuriating....Professional athletes acting a complete fool in their personal lives.

Look, the Pros have God given gifts in athletic ability that the rest of us will never match in our lives no matter how hard we try, and these douchebags can't handle their shit.

Yo Plax...your agent's on the phone...he said you might as well go for the trifecta and videotape yourself doing blow and killing a stripper. So, this weekend, word came out that Plaxico Burress was out at a bar and shot himself in the leg like Cheddar Bob from 8 Mile....wow...give yourself a round of applause you stupid piece of shit!

PacMan Jones is almost too easy. This retard has a rap sheet that could fill a novel, and that's just from his days in the NFL. His record from high school should have barred him from college and his record from college should have automatically disqualified him from the NFL. There is a three strike rule in the NFL, and he managed to rack up 9 arrests, four of which were violent. Six if you want to count the 2 misdemeanor assaults on 2 occassions for spitting in girls faces (he seems to have a thing for it).

Assholes like this shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets let alone get idolized and paid a lot of money. Ridiculed...not role models. Pariahs...not praised. Defenestrated....not Deified. Maybe that last one was pushing it, but you get the point.

Pros are some of the luckiest people on the planet...they get to play a sport they love...and they're better at it than almost everybody else in the world. Is it that much to ask to not break the law? I guess maybe it is sometimes....shit, Ricky Williams quit the NFL so he could smoke weed...but now he's back....again. I guess he figured out that you need money to buy pot. Wouldn't it have been a better idea to just play in the NFL for 10 years and then retire in Amsterdam? Then you can smoke your brains out and do whatever you want for the rest of your life, fuckin' dummy.

Here's a couple of simple rules for Pro Athletes to follow so they don't fuck up their careers...

1. Don't break the law - including but not limited to:
a)Drugs - Doing them and Selling them are both frowned upon (that's right Cowboys, I'm looking at you)
b)Fighting - Dog, Cock, Human - All Bad
c)Illegal Guns - Very Bad...If you're allowed to have a gun, you'd prob know...they come from stores...not back alleys/car trunks/friend of a friend
i)Shooting illegal guns - didn't I just fucking tell you not to have one?
ii)Shooting illegal guns near the White House - Next time just put one in your head...you'll be doing everybody else a favor

2. Don't hurt yourself doing something stupid.
a)Motorcycles - Your a pro athlete, you shouldn't need one to get laid
b)STD's - If some girl is going to bang you for being a Pro, it's prob not her first time...best to wrap it up - remember...nothing ends a season like Hepatitis

That should about cover the majority of problems...If you're that big an idiot, hire somebody to make decisions for you. I would be more than willing to offer my services. For a fraction of your league fines and legal fees, you PacMan could avoid jail and having to worry about what your spitting. Gross...I know....Pro Athletes who suck at life, I hate you.

People Who Need to Look at the Menu at the Chinese Restaurant

God I hate these people.....You really have to be some kind of moron to not know what you want to order at a Chinese Restaurant.


If you are in the mood for Chinese food, you know what you want before you even go in....what the fuck is the point of seeing a menu?!? Is there magically going to be some new dishes on the menu or is it the same fucking dishes you've been looking at since you were a child. Chances are you order one of the same 4 or 5 different dishes you always get, all of which are at every single Chinese Restaurant.

Instead, the waiter/waitress comes to take your order and you're still reviewing the menu while he's/she's standing there tapping their feet and looking at you like you're retarded....there's a reason they think you're stupid...it's because you are.

When was the last time you had the special at a Chinese Restaurant? I'm going to guess never because they don't exist. Even more of a reason to know what you want when you go in there....same shit, different day....Stop wasting everybody's time! Chinese restaurants shouldn't even HAVE menus except to look at the price....and even then you can pretty much guess within a dollar.

The bottom line is, when the menu never changes, and you always choose the same things anyway, and THE MENU NEVER FUCKING CHANGES....you should know what you want before you walk through the door...people who need to look at the menu at Chinese Restaurants, I hate you.

Girls Who Wear Leggings as Pants

Every day I see them....Girls walking around wearing their leggings as pants. This shit has got to stop.

Too many girls have seen stupid hookers like Lindsay Lohan wearing these things and think they can pull them off in the same way. You have to understand something... Celebrities are allowed to dress like jack-asses. Just look at David Arquette or Andre 3000, they love to dress like assholes. The gigantic sunglasses that Nicole Ritchie and the Olsen Twins wear is something you might see on an 80 year old retiree in Palm Beach...they don't look good on anybody.

But I digress, this isn't about attention whore celebrity style, it's about girls looking stupid.

It appears there needs to be some ground rules that need to be laid out...and of course, I have taken the liberty of doing the laying.

1. Despite popular belief, seeing the outline of everything from your ankle to waist does not make men like you. More than likely, their respect is diminished.

2. Most girls do not have the body for this and make the mistake of showing too much. Jeans hide the lumps in fat asses and create asses that don't exist.

3. Skirts or dresses over leggings work...use them.

4. Wear leggings in your size...nothing looks worse than leggings stretched so thin that you can see through them.

True Story that illustrates my point:

Walking on UCLA's campus a while ago a girl was coming towards me. She was about 5'10, 190lbs, with long curly hair, and wearing a t-shirt with black leggings that were way too small. The closer we got to each other, the more I could see the distinct jiggle of her FUPA. At about 50 feet I could see she wasn't wearing any underwear, because the unmistakable outline of a camel-toe was so clear a blind man could see it.

With every step she took, it wasn't just the FUPA that was shaking any more...each side of that camel-toe was jiggling....independently. It wouldn't have been so bad, but those leggings were stretched so much they may as well have been made of saran wrap. Needless to say it was pretty disgusting....but at least it makes for a good story.

To tell you the truth, this might have been the day I was turned off to leggings as pants....I think anybody would be. Now that this phenomenon has sprung up, I feel the need to help put an end to it. Leggings as pants needs to come to an end. I implore you, don't turn to the dark side.

If you're looking for attention...show your boobs or something...at least some people get famous that way...then you can dress like an asshole all you want and people like me can't say shit about it. In closing, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS! You're not doing yourself or anybody else any favors by wearing them. Girls who wear leggings as pants, I Hate You.

Hypocrite Actors

Does nobody else see the irony in actors being activists and then taking parts in movies in which they portray the people they are voicing opinion against? And it's not like they're just playing these parts, they're showing these people in a positive light.

How many times have you been entranced by the "bad boy" or "bad girl" protagonist and just enjoyed watching them sell drugs, take drugs, shoot guns, kill people, have sex, dress cool, etc.

I don't think anybody will argue that Johnny Depp looked cool as fuck in Blow. Throughout the movie he's buying weed, smoking weed, selling weed, smuggling weed, going to jail, selling coke, doing coke, banging hot Columbians that do coke when they're pregnant, disappointing his daughter, and going to jail for the rest of his life. Now imagine watching this same movie after seeing Johnny Depp make an appearance and being an activist for the DEA. That is the kind of shit I'm talking about.

I'm sorry to have to single people out but I may as well start at the top. Actually, I'm not sorry...these people deserve to be called out on their hypocrisy.

Case in point: Angelina Jolie.

This chick prances about the world, preaching safe sex, world peace, non-violence, and AIDS awareness in Africa, amongst others. It's a new issue a week with this one.

Watch any of her movies. I can't remember a part she's played where she wasn't making having unprotected sex and shooting guns look so awesome. It looks like the most fun anybody could possibly have....and it pretty much is.....unless you added doing drugs and eating to the mix.

My point is this, if you are going to tell people to have safe sex and preach world peace and non-violence, maybe you should stop looking so cool when you're doing all of these things in your movies. In Mr. and Mrs. Smith, shooting guns turned her on so much that she ends up banging the person she was shooting at. Not exactly role model behavior.

In Tomb Raider, shes steals and shoots guns while looking cool...doesn't make me not want to do the same. Even in real life she said she wanted to "taste everybody in the world" before she died .....thats a really hookerish line if I ever heard one. I guess thats why the UN likes her so much, she wants to taste the world....not just America.

Nothing pisses me off more than hypocrites. If Actors want to play these bad ass cool parts in movies, they should shut their fucking mouths in the real world. So, hypocrite actors, I hate you.

People who ruin other people's songs

I Fucking Hate these People....especially because they dare to call themselves artists.

It's usually some douchebag rapper thats stealing somebody else's creative work but the theif of the year award may just go to dirty ass Kid "Hepatitis K" Rock.

This son of a bitch managed to steal two great classic rock songs, fuckin' ruin both of them, and make high school kids think he wrote music.

Maybe I'm wrong...it must take at least some talent to ruin two classics simultaneously. Maybe the talent I look for in musicians isn't what's necessary to make it in the music world. I guess expecting people to play instruments...or write music...or you know, normal musician stuff, shouldn't be expected anymore.

I would love for the rest of the world to join me in ridiculing these people until they disappear from the music scene. Perhaps the worst offenders are Puffy and the like, but killing Werewolves of London and Sweet Home Alabama almost made me have an aneurysm.

People who ruin other people's songs....I hate you.

People who Shave their Cats to look like Lions

I had my first run in with one of these atrocities yesterday...and apparently it's become more and more popular.

People have started getting their cats groomed to look like the king of the jungle. Not only does it look fucking retarded, it's borderline animal cruelty.

It's bad enough the look an animal gives you when their embarrassed about a shaved area from surgery....now they feel that shame all day, every day.

Think about how the other cats look at this one. If they could talk, they would be laughing and calling your's a douche bag, beating it up, and pissing on it. Maybe carvings their initials into the giant bald spots running down the entire length of its body.

I have an idea, how about next time you get the urge to do something like this, you grow some kind of weird facial hair so people stare at you when you're walking down the street. If you're a girl, walk around in leggings with a permanent camel toe. That ought to get some uncomfortable glances and stares....Maybe then you'll understand what your doing to your pet.

I hope that the next time you go to sleep, your cat claws the shit out of you for revenge. People who shave your cats to look like lions....I hate you.

Girls who wear unflattering shirts and dresses

I have no idea why they do this....

You're a girl thats in pretty good shape. You eat right..work out..and take care of yourself in general. Then when it's time to go out, you throw on this shirt that was designed to hide a pregnant stomach. WTF?

Stop doing this immediately! There's absolutely no reason for it and to be totally honest, it makes you less attractive. These were designed to functionally hide the large belly of a pregnant woman in her last trimester, and you're wearing it at the bar.

Shirts like these will not help get you laid. Any guy looking at you automatically thinks that you're either A: Pregnant (which would normally be a good guess) or B: That you're hiding your spare tire. If you are neither, then throw on something that actually compliments the way you look.

Pregnant women: This was not meant as any knock on you. Pregnancy is beautiful and it definitely is flattering for you guys. But seriously, the time has come. You must reclaim these as your signifying attire! How are people supposed to congratulate you when they cant tell who's pregnant and who's not because you're all wearing the same god damn thing?

Bonus Hatred: The worst offenders were those girls who wore those really Jappy tube tops that sort of flowed out from there. I made it a point to tell girls exactly what I thought of them....and anybody who knows me has probably seen me do it. Uch!.....Fucking Horrendous!

Another one of these atrocities that Ive seen lately are these parachute looking dresses that have no form at all after the bust line. You may as well wear a barrel like the poor people in cartoons...same exact shape. Just a formless body with your head, arms, and legs sticking out.

The point is, if you have a nice body, show it off. Otherwise you might as well move to Saudi Arabia and wear a Burka. Those are nice and flowing too....and almost as ugly. I'm not a fashion designer or anything, but I am a straight guy, and I can tell what makes girls look good. In fact, straight men have a body part solely devoted to telling us just this. So, Girls who wear unflattering shirts and dresses....your throwing my sensors off....and I hate you.

People who bring their kids to the gym

Those of you who live in an apartment building with a gym know what I'm talking about....

Wild, screaming children, running around and bouncing on the exercise balls with friggin Hannah Montana blasting on all of the TV's. On top of that, their fat ass Mom is walking on one of the treadmills at 3 MPH.

Treadmills shouldn't even be allowed to go that slow. If all you're going to do is walk slow and read how to get/pleasure a man in Cosmo, do everyone a favor and take it outside. Maybe if you took a walk with your kid once in a while they wouldn't be such a pain in the ass and your's would actually shrink.

The very least you could do is just leave them upstairs to watch their annoying ass TV shows. Maybe then they wont fly off the bouncing ball, smashing their head into the stationary bike while I'm pedaling, and avoid serious injury.

Every once in a while, one of these kids gets tired of bouncing around and decides to jump on the treadmill to see how fast they can run. Of course this terrific parent never says anything and it's up to me to reprimand their kids. I'm just waiting for the day when one of these kids trips, breaks some teeth on the treadmill console, and gets shot off the end. Maybe then these parents would actually start being parents.

These kids would be safer playing with throwing knives upstairs in your apartment....Well, maybe not...But at least they wouldn't be annoying the shit out of me. Next time one of these kids get a little too close when I'm on the bike and falls into it, I'm not just going to giggle...I'm going to laugh hysterically. Then maybe a little tirade against the Mom is in order, describing all her inadequacies as a parent and how everything that just happened to her child is nobody's fault but her own.

People like this deserve a little shock therapy. People like this have no consideration of anybody but themselves. People like this should not be parents in the first place. People who bring their kids to the gym....I hate you.

People still trying to save the Panda

I'm sick and tired of this....People have been trying to save the panda for the last hundred years...with no luck whatsoever.

There's a major reason for this lack of success. And its not because global warming or predators or humans eating them....in fact, humans are the only reason why these things are still around.

The reason why their numbers keep reducing is this...Pandas are too fucking lazy to have sex. Let me repeat this...TOO LAZY TO FUCK!

Sex is the most basic instinct of every animal on the friggin planet and these things don't know what goes where. To me, thats a characteristic of an animal undeserving of our efforts and we should just let them go the way of the Dodo.

In addition to not having sex, these idiots only eat one thing that has no nutritional value at all and because of an inefficient intestinal system, the panda must feed for at least 12 to 16 hours a day. No wonder they don't want to bang, they're tired from laying around all day and eating.

We've gotten so desperate to keep these things around to look at them at the zoo that were artificially inseminating them. And then, when the babies are born, they have to take them away from the parents so they don't eat them. So not only are they too lazy to have sex because they spent all day eating, they then eat their own offspring when they finally do have some cubs.

Shouldn't we refocus our efforts on gorillas or manatees or something that actually wants to live? I think of pandas as sort of like terminally infirmed people that want the right to die and nature is just Jack Kevorkian. If nature had any intention of keeping these things around they would breed like bunnies...or rats.

Well last month nature struck back at these futile efforts to save these worthless sacks of shit. That earthquake in China puts 90% of the panda population in jeopardy which means that we as humans need to make a decision. Do we send more money down the toilet and tire out scientists arms to jerk off all males and artificially inseminate all the females or do we just let nature take it's course? I for one am in favor of the latter.

People who are still trying to save the panda...your efforts are futile, you're wasting time and money, and I hate you.

People on Public Transport who Stink

The summertime is the worst for this.....

Your sitting down on the bus or train and reading the paper on your way to work. Then...without warning, some dirty guy who smells like he wipes his ass with his hand, and looks like Mullet Man or KSM decides to stand directly over you.

This person (usually a guy) has his shirt soaking wet, with beads of sweat everywhere that fabric is not, breathing heavy and just really helping to start your day off on the right foot.

Slowly you see it happening, and inside you're shouting No, No, Please God No! This dirty mother fucker just decided to reach high above is head for the railing to hold on. Everybody nearby starts to scatter as they gag and gasp for fresh air...but you're staying strong because you don't want to give up the seat that you only get once a week.

You don't want to look up, but you can't stop yourself. Slowly surveying upward, you're eyes arrive at the pit to see hair about 4 inches long, glistening with sweat in the light. If this were a cartoon there would be green waves coming off of this dirt bomb. Then you make a break for it, jumping off at the next stop, and abandoning your train car for another. Another perfect morning riding public transportation.

These kinds of people have no sense of decency or consideration for anybody else. Who the hell raised these assholes? I don't care how old you are, or where you're from, but if you walk around like a human bio-hazard, I might be forced to embarrass you in front of everybody.

Just today, some woman gets on the train and stands right next to me, stinking like she hadn't showered in a week. On top of that, she decided it would be a good idea to wear an overwhelming amount of some floral perfume. If anybody has ever smelled BO combined with flowers, you have smelled death just like I have.

Bonus Hatred: A bus or train may be one thing....but riding on a plane cross country next to somebody who stinks is an entirely different beast. Forget about the 10-15 minute ride and toughing it out. On a plane you need to think long term survival strategy. I have devised more gas masks than I'd care to remember.

If public transportation wants to succeed, they need to create some basic cleanliness rules for riding. For starters, how about a machine that can rate how offensive you smell, anything higher than a certain level will not be allowed on. At the very least, the other passengers should be allowed to vote to kick any of these shit eaters off.

I don't think I'm asking for much here...Only that you not make my life miserable by stinking like a dead rat. People who stink on public transport....I hate you.

Dickheads on Crotchrockets

Dumber people are hard to come by....

18-25 year old morons doing motorcycle tricks through traffic at 120 mph. Is getting laid once in a while for your bike worth being in a hospital for a year when you finally fall and crack your head open and shatter your limbs?

I don't think it is. These people must have no game at all. It's not that hard to get laid. Shit, even ugly people have sex with somebody.

I'm not talking about easy rider types like Choppers and Harleys....those are cool as fuck. I'm talking about these dickheads that are weaving in and out of traffic at 120, flying in between the lanes, and popping wheelies for half a mile through traffic.

Who the fuck are you trying to impress? At least show off for a crowd or something and then stop and chill with them...that might get you laid. You gonna get some digits on the highway?

My guess is these people have tiny dicks....most likely wanted a Hummer and couldn't afford it so they go with a little Ninja so they can feel some power between their legs.

This wasn't always my opinion though. Things changed a few weeks ago when I encountered a couple of dickheads on crotchrockets doing tricks down 270 during rush hour. I was cruising at about 85-90 when these guys come up along side me on my right. I always try to avoid these guys because if I sneeze or something and my car swerves and hits them I'll feel bad.

I was happy to see the car in front of them move aside so they could pass. Instead, they both fall back a little bit and come flying by popping wheelies like in the picture above. Cool, I thought for about 30 seconds until one of these dickheads cuts in front of me and slams on his breaks and I narrowly avoid hitting him. I go from 90 to about 40 and have the cars behind me almost hitting me. Then they speed off again doing wheelies over 100mph.

Again this asshole slams on his breaks in front of me when I finally get close again. I'm wondering, what the fuck is going on here? These guys speed like crazy and weave in and out of traffic like they have somewhere to be and then slam on the breaks. Then it finally hits me. They are making me slow down really hard and having me almost hit them, to create a buffer zone in front of them so they can do their tricks.

I had enough of that shit after the third time and after they sped off, I was right up their ass honking like crazy and screaming profanities with rage in my eyes. They would be wise not to pull that shit again unless they had a deathwish. Well, my little ploy worked and they got out of my general area.

I subscribe to the "Do what you want as long as you don't impede me" school of thought, and these two definitely encroached on my area. Maybe they're not all this bad, but my last three days in LA don't show otherwise. It would seem as though motorcyclists don't actually use lanes and instead just drive between the cars. Perhaps one day somebody who gets as pissed off as me will sacrifice their door to send a message to the baby dick community. But until then....Dickheads on Crotchrockets, I hate you.