Black Celebrities Who Now First Feel Accepted in America

Where the fuck do these people get off? Apparently it took Barack Obama for black celebrities like Oprah and Will Smith to feel like they're accepted and belong....Are they retarded or just plain stupid?

Oprah has been on TV for 22 years, billions of dollars, a magazine with her namesake, millions of fans, unreal influence over the public, and is one of the few people in the world who is famous enough to go by their first name only.

Will Smith likewise has been in the public eye for over 20 years; won the first Grammy ever for Rap; Fresh Prince of Bel Air was everybody's favorite show; He is the only actor in history to have eight consecutive films gross over $100 million in the domestic box office as well as being the only actor to have eight consecutive films open at #1 on the domestic box office as a Lead Actor.

Wow....America really hated these two before Barack Obama came around. That must be why they're two of the most popular and well liked people in the entire country...because black people aren't accepted. Maybe they didn't always have the greatest lives, but they officially relinquished all rights to bitch about feeling like they don't belong in America after America made them ridiculously rich.

It's like Steven Spielberg and Barbara Streisand complaining to Larry King how they just dont feel like they belong in America because there has never been a Jewish President, and then King agreeing. Maybe next week Sandra Oh and Lucy Liu will get together on CNN and gripe about how they feel like they aren't accepted in America since there has never been an Asian President....Fuckin Ridiculous.

If Obama's HopeNchange Inc. changes anything or makes anybody feel accepted, it'll be the regular people and the future generations of regular people....Let them have this one. Grievances are best left for those that have them. Complaining about not feeling accepted when it's clear to everybody that you are is...well...fucking stupid.

Black Celebrities who are now first feeling accepted in America because of Obama, you dummies need a reality check and I hate you.

Men Who Pee in Stalls

These people fucking kill me....guys not having the decency to pee where they're supposed to.

Perfectly good urinals going unused....These things are made specifically for somebody to pee into when some douchebag decides he's going to piss all over a toilet seat instead. What kind of selfish prick do you have to be to fuck things up for everybody else?

Pissing on a toilet seat and not cleaning up after yourself is basically giving the finger to every other guy that could possibly use it. It's one thing to do it anonymously at a fast food place or an airport or someplace like that where nobody knows you....it takes a special kind of asshole to repeatedly do this to people they work with in an office. This sociopathic shit has got to end!

My guess is these "Men" must be too embarrassed to piss in urinals like the rest of us. .There could only be for a couple of reasons for such egocentric behavior, mostly circulating around these guys having various dick problems.

One reason could be that their dick so small that pissing on their own balls is a distinct possibility. That shit would embarrass anybody.....but here's what I don't understand.....why don't you just sit down like a little girl and keep the seat nice and clean for the rest of us?

From watching too much TV I'm guessing "weak stream" might be another reason piss would land all over the seat....sounds like something to look forward to in my twilight years. But still, take a seat if you can't reach the velocity necessary to make it to the toilet.

In any case, theres no reason for this shit to happen. I'm guessing that you don't piss all over your seats at home and leave it like that....Why should I have to first clean the seat before I take the throne? I think they execute you for shit like that in North Korea....almost makes me jealous.

I think some public embarrassment is in order....maybe organizing an office intervention or a mass email....in any case, men who pee in stalls, clean up after yourselves you fucking slobs, you're a fucking disgrace and of course, I hate you.

Professional Athletes Who Suck at Life

There are few people less infuriating....Professional athletes acting a complete fool in their personal lives.

Look, the Pros have God given gifts in athletic ability that the rest of us will never match in our lives no matter how hard we try, and these douchebags can't handle their shit.

Yo Plax...your agent's on the phone...he said you might as well go for the trifecta and videotape yourself doing blow and killing a stripper. So, this weekend, word came out that Plaxico Burress was out at a bar and shot himself in the leg like Cheddar Bob from 8 Mile....wow...give yourself a round of applause you stupid piece of shit!

PacMan Jones is almost too easy. This retard has a rap sheet that could fill a novel, and that's just from his days in the NFL. His record from high school should have barred him from college and his record from college should have automatically disqualified him from the NFL. There is a three strike rule in the NFL, and he managed to rack up 9 arrests, four of which were violent. Six if you want to count the 2 misdemeanor assaults on 2 occassions for spitting in girls faces (he seems to have a thing for it).

Assholes like this shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets let alone get idolized and paid a lot of money. Ridiculed...not role models. Pariahs...not praised. Defenestrated....not Deified. Maybe that last one was pushing it, but you get the point.

Pros are some of the luckiest people on the planet...they get to play a sport they love...and they're better at it than almost everybody else in the world. Is it that much to ask to not break the law? I guess maybe it is sometimes....shit, Ricky Williams quit the NFL so he could smoke weed...but now he's back....again. I guess he figured out that you need money to buy pot. Wouldn't it have been a better idea to just play in the NFL for 10 years and then retire in Amsterdam? Then you can smoke your brains out and do whatever you want for the rest of your life, fuckin' dummy.

Here's a couple of simple rules for Pro Athletes to follow so they don't fuck up their careers...

1. Don't break the law - including but not limited to:
a)Drugs - Doing them and Selling them are both frowned upon (that's right Cowboys, I'm looking at you)
b)Fighting - Dog, Cock, Human - All Bad
c)Illegal Guns - Very Bad...If you're allowed to have a gun, you'd prob know...they come from stores...not back alleys/car trunks/friend of a friend
i)Shooting illegal guns - didn't I just fucking tell you not to have one?
ii)Shooting illegal guns near the White House - Next time just put one in your head...you'll be doing everybody else a favor

2. Don't hurt yourself doing something stupid.
a)Motorcycles - Your a pro athlete, you shouldn't need one to get laid
b)STD's - If some girl is going to bang you for being a Pro, it's prob not her first time...best to wrap it up - remember...nothing ends a season like Hepatitis

That should about cover the majority of problems...If you're that big an idiot, hire somebody to make decisions for you. I would be more than willing to offer my services. For a fraction of your league fines and legal fees, you PacMan could avoid jail and having to worry about what your spitting. Gross...I know....Pro Athletes who suck at life, I hate you.

People Who Need to Look at the Menu at the Chinese Restaurant

God I hate these people.....You really have to be some kind of moron to not know what you want to order at a Chinese Restaurant.


If you are in the mood for Chinese food, you know what you want before you even go in....what the fuck is the point of seeing a menu?!? Is there magically going to be some new dishes on the menu or is it the same fucking dishes you've been looking at since you were a child. Chances are you order one of the same 4 or 5 different dishes you always get, all of which are at every single Chinese Restaurant.

Instead, the waiter/waitress comes to take your order and you're still reviewing the menu while he's/she's standing there tapping their feet and looking at you like you're retarded....there's a reason they think you're stupid...it's because you are.

When was the last time you had the special at a Chinese Restaurant? I'm going to guess never because they don't exist. Even more of a reason to know what you want when you go in there....same shit, different day....Stop wasting everybody's time! Chinese restaurants shouldn't even HAVE menus except to look at the price....and even then you can pretty much guess within a dollar.

The bottom line is, when the menu never changes, and you always choose the same things anyway, and THE MENU NEVER FUCKING CHANGES....you should know what you want before you walk through the door...people who need to look at the menu at Chinese Restaurants, I hate you.

Girls Who Wear Leggings as Pants

Every day I see them....Girls walking around wearing their leggings as pants. This shit has got to stop.

Too many girls have seen stupid hookers like Lindsay Lohan wearing these things and think they can pull them off in the same way. You have to understand something... Celebrities are allowed to dress like jack-asses. Just look at David Arquette or Andre 3000, they love to dress like assholes. The gigantic sunglasses that Nicole Ritchie and the Olsen Twins wear is something you might see on an 80 year old retiree in Palm Beach...they don't look good on anybody.

But I digress, this isn't about attention whore celebrity style, it's about girls looking stupid.

It appears there needs to be some ground rules that need to be laid out...and of course, I have taken the liberty of doing the laying.

1. Despite popular belief, seeing the outline of everything from your ankle to waist does not make men like you. More than likely, their respect is diminished.

2. Most girls do not have the body for this and make the mistake of showing too much. Jeans hide the lumps in fat asses and create asses that don't exist.

3. Skirts or dresses over leggings work...use them.

4. Wear leggings in your size...nothing looks worse than leggings stretched so thin that you can see through them.

True Story that illustrates my point:

Walking on UCLA's campus a while ago a girl was coming towards me. She was about 5'10, 190lbs, with long curly hair, and wearing a t-shirt with black leggings that were way too small. The closer we got to each other, the more I could see the distinct jiggle of her FUPA. At about 50 feet I could see she wasn't wearing any underwear, because the unmistakable outline of a camel-toe was so clear a blind man could see it.

With every step she took, it wasn't just the FUPA that was shaking any more...each side of that camel-toe was jiggling....independently. It wouldn't have been so bad, but those leggings were stretched so much they may as well have been made of saran wrap. Needless to say it was pretty disgusting....but at least it makes for a good story.

To tell you the truth, this might have been the day I was turned off to leggings as pants....I think anybody would be. Now that this phenomenon has sprung up, I feel the need to help put an end to it. Leggings as pants needs to come to an end. I implore you, don't turn to the dark side.

If you're looking for attention...show your boobs or something...at least some people get famous that way...then you can dress like an asshole all you want and people like me can't say shit about it. In closing, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS! You're not doing yourself or anybody else any favors by wearing them. Girls who wear leggings as pants, I Hate You.

Hypocrite Actors

Does nobody else see the irony in actors being activists and then taking parts in movies in which they portray the people they are voicing opinion against? And it's not like they're just playing these parts, they're showing these people in a positive light.

How many times have you been entranced by the "bad boy" or "bad girl" protagonist and just enjoyed watching them sell drugs, take drugs, shoot guns, kill people, have sex, dress cool, etc.

I don't think anybody will argue that Johnny Depp looked cool as fuck in Blow. Throughout the movie he's buying weed, smoking weed, selling weed, smuggling weed, going to jail, selling coke, doing coke, banging hot Columbians that do coke when they're pregnant, disappointing his daughter, and going to jail for the rest of his life. Now imagine watching this same movie after seeing Johnny Depp make an appearance and being an activist for the DEA. That is the kind of shit I'm talking about.

I'm sorry to have to single people out but I may as well start at the top. Actually, I'm not sorry...these people deserve to be called out on their hypocrisy.

Case in point: Angelina Jolie.

This chick prances about the world, preaching safe sex, world peace, non-violence, and AIDS awareness in Africa, amongst others. It's a new issue a week with this one.

Watch any of her movies. I can't remember a part she's played where she wasn't making having unprotected sex and shooting guns look so awesome. It looks like the most fun anybody could possibly have....and it pretty much is.....unless you added doing drugs and eating to the mix.

My point is this, if you are going to tell people to have safe sex and preach world peace and non-violence, maybe you should stop looking so cool when you're doing all of these things in your movies. In Mr. and Mrs. Smith, shooting guns turned her on so much that she ends up banging the person she was shooting at. Not exactly role model behavior.

In Tomb Raider, shes steals and shoots guns while looking cool...doesn't make me not want to do the same. Even in real life she said she wanted to "taste everybody in the world" before she died .....thats a really hookerish line if I ever heard one. I guess thats why the UN likes her so much, she wants to taste the world....not just America.

Nothing pisses me off more than hypocrites. If Actors want to play these bad ass cool parts in movies, they should shut their fucking mouths in the real world. So, hypocrite actors, I hate you.

People who ruin other people's songs

I Fucking Hate these People....especially because they dare to call themselves artists.

It's usually some douchebag rapper thats stealing somebody else's creative work but the theif of the year award may just go to dirty ass Kid "Hepatitis K" Rock.

This son of a bitch managed to steal two great classic rock songs, fuckin' ruin both of them, and make high school kids think he wrote music.

Maybe I'm wrong...it must take at least some talent to ruin two classics simultaneously. Maybe the talent I look for in musicians isn't what's necessary to make it in the music world. I guess expecting people to play instruments...or write music...or you know, normal musician stuff, shouldn't be expected anymore.

I would love for the rest of the world to join me in ridiculing these people until they disappear from the music scene. Perhaps the worst offenders are Puffy and the like, but killing Werewolves of London and Sweet Home Alabama almost made me have an aneurysm.

People who ruin other people's songs....I hate you.

People who Shave their Cats to look like Lions

I had my first run in with one of these atrocities yesterday...and apparently it's become more and more popular.

People have started getting their cats groomed to look like the king of the jungle. Not only does it look fucking retarded, it's borderline animal cruelty.

It's bad enough the look an animal gives you when their embarrassed about a shaved area from surgery....now they feel that shame all day, every day.

Think about how the other cats look at this one. If they could talk, they would be laughing and calling your's a douche bag, beating it up, and pissing on it. Maybe carvings their initials into the giant bald spots running down the entire length of its body.

I have an idea, how about next time you get the urge to do something like this, you grow some kind of weird facial hair so people stare at you when you're walking down the street. If you're a girl, walk around in leggings with a permanent camel toe. That ought to get some uncomfortable glances and stares....Maybe then you'll understand what your doing to your pet.

I hope that the next time you go to sleep, your cat claws the shit out of you for revenge. People who shave your cats to look like lions....I hate you.

Girls who wear unflattering shirts and dresses

I have no idea why they do this....

You're a girl thats in pretty good shape. You eat right..work out..and take care of yourself in general. Then when it's time to go out, you throw on this shirt that was designed to hide a pregnant stomach. WTF?

Stop doing this immediately! There's absolutely no reason for it and to be totally honest, it makes you less attractive. These were designed to functionally hide the large belly of a pregnant woman in her last trimester, and you're wearing it at the bar.

Shirts like these will not help get you laid. Any guy looking at you automatically thinks that you're either A: Pregnant (which would normally be a good guess) or B: That you're hiding your spare tire. If you are neither, then throw on something that actually compliments the way you look.

Pregnant women: This was not meant as any knock on you. Pregnancy is beautiful and it definitely is flattering for you guys. But seriously, the time has come. You must reclaim these as your signifying attire! How are people supposed to congratulate you when they cant tell who's pregnant and who's not because you're all wearing the same god damn thing?

Bonus Hatred: The worst offenders were those girls who wore those really Jappy tube tops that sort of flowed out from there. I made it a point to tell girls exactly what I thought of them....and anybody who knows me has probably seen me do it. Uch!.....Fucking Horrendous!

Another one of these atrocities that Ive seen lately are these parachute looking dresses that have no form at all after the bust line. You may as well wear a barrel like the poor people in cartoons...same exact shape. Just a formless body with your head, arms, and legs sticking out.

The point is, if you have a nice body, show it off. Otherwise you might as well move to Saudi Arabia and wear a Burka. Those are nice and flowing too....and almost as ugly. I'm not a fashion designer or anything, but I am a straight guy, and I can tell what makes girls look good. In fact, straight men have a body part solely devoted to telling us just this. So, Girls who wear unflattering shirts and dresses....your throwing my sensors off....and I hate you.

People who bring their kids to the gym

Those of you who live in an apartment building with a gym know what I'm talking about....

Wild, screaming children, running around and bouncing on the exercise balls with friggin Hannah Montana blasting on all of the TV's. On top of that, their fat ass Mom is walking on one of the treadmills at 3 MPH.

Treadmills shouldn't even be allowed to go that slow. If all you're going to do is walk slow and read how to get/pleasure a man in Cosmo, do everyone a favor and take it outside. Maybe if you took a walk with your kid once in a while they wouldn't be such a pain in the ass and your's would actually shrink.

The very least you could do is just leave them upstairs to watch their annoying ass TV shows. Maybe then they wont fly off the bouncing ball, smashing their head into the stationary bike while I'm pedaling, and avoid serious injury.

Every once in a while, one of these kids gets tired of bouncing around and decides to jump on the treadmill to see how fast they can run. Of course this terrific parent never says anything and it's up to me to reprimand their kids. I'm just waiting for the day when one of these kids trips, breaks some teeth on the treadmill console, and gets shot off the end. Maybe then these parents would actually start being parents.

These kids would be safer playing with throwing knives upstairs in your apartment....Well, maybe not...But at least they wouldn't be annoying the shit out of me. Next time one of these kids get a little too close when I'm on the bike and falls into it, I'm not just going to giggle...I'm going to laugh hysterically. Then maybe a little tirade against the Mom is in order, describing all her inadequacies as a parent and how everything that just happened to her child is nobody's fault but her own.

People like this deserve a little shock therapy. People like this have no consideration of anybody but themselves. People like this should not be parents in the first place. People who bring their kids to the gym....I hate you.