People who Shave their Cats to look like Lions

I had my first run in with one of these atrocities yesterday...and apparently it's become more and more popular.

People have started getting their cats groomed to look like the king of the jungle. Not only does it look fucking retarded, it's borderline animal cruelty.

It's bad enough the look an animal gives you when their embarrassed about a shaved area from surgery....now they feel that shame all day, every day.

Think about how the other cats look at this one. If they could talk, they would be laughing and calling your's a douche bag, beating it up, and pissing on it. Maybe carvings their initials into the giant bald spots running down the entire length of its body.

I have an idea, how about next time you get the urge to do something like this, you grow some kind of weird facial hair so people stare at you when you're walking down the street. If you're a girl, walk around in leggings with a permanent camel toe. That ought to get some uncomfortable glances and stares....Maybe then you'll understand what your doing to your pet.

I hope that the next time you go to sleep, your cat claws the shit out of you for revenge. People who shave your cats to look like lions....I hate you.

Girls who wear unflattering shirts and dresses

I have no idea why they do this....

You're a girl thats in pretty good shape. You eat right..work out..and take care of yourself in general. Then when it's time to go out, you throw on this shirt that was designed to hide a pregnant stomach. WTF?

Stop doing this immediately! There's absolutely no reason for it and to be totally honest, it makes you less attractive. These were designed to functionally hide the large belly of a pregnant woman in her last trimester, and you're wearing it at the bar.

Shirts like these will not help get you laid. Any guy looking at you automatically thinks that you're either A: Pregnant (which would normally be a good guess) or B: That you're hiding your spare tire. If you are neither, then throw on something that actually compliments the way you look.

Pregnant women: This was not meant as any knock on you. Pregnancy is beautiful and it definitely is flattering for you guys. But seriously, the time has come. You must reclaim these as your signifying attire! How are people supposed to congratulate you when they cant tell who's pregnant and who's not because you're all wearing the same god damn thing?

Bonus Hatred: The worst offenders were those girls who wore those really Jappy tube tops that sort of flowed out from there. I made it a point to tell girls exactly what I thought of them....and anybody who knows me has probably seen me do it. Uch!.....Fucking Horrendous!

Another one of these atrocities that Ive seen lately are these parachute looking dresses that have no form at all after the bust line. You may as well wear a barrel like the poor people in cartoons...same exact shape. Just a formless body with your head, arms, and legs sticking out.

The point is, if you have a nice body, show it off. Otherwise you might as well move to Saudi Arabia and wear a Burka. Those are nice and flowing too....and almost as ugly. I'm not a fashion designer or anything, but I am a straight guy, and I can tell what makes girls look good. In fact, straight men have a body part solely devoted to telling us just this. So, Girls who wear unflattering shirts and dresses....your throwing my sensors off....and I hate you.

People who bring their kids to the gym

Those of you who live in an apartment building with a gym know what I'm talking about....

Wild, screaming children, running around and bouncing on the exercise balls with friggin Hannah Montana blasting on all of the TV's. On top of that, their fat ass Mom is walking on one of the treadmills at 3 MPH.

Treadmills shouldn't even be allowed to go that slow. If all you're going to do is walk slow and read how to get/pleasure a man in Cosmo, do everyone a favor and take it outside. Maybe if you took a walk with your kid once in a while they wouldn't be such a pain in the ass and your's would actually shrink.

The very least you could do is just leave them upstairs to watch their annoying ass TV shows. Maybe then they wont fly off the bouncing ball, smashing their head into the stationary bike while I'm pedaling, and avoid serious injury.

Every once in a while, one of these kids gets tired of bouncing around and decides to jump on the treadmill to see how fast they can run. Of course this terrific parent never says anything and it's up to me to reprimand their kids. I'm just waiting for the day when one of these kids trips, breaks some teeth on the treadmill console, and gets shot off the end. Maybe then these parents would actually start being parents.

These kids would be safer playing with throwing knives upstairs in your apartment....Well, maybe not...But at least they wouldn't be annoying the shit out of me. Next time one of these kids get a little too close when I'm on the bike and falls into it, I'm not just going to giggle...I'm going to laugh hysterically. Then maybe a little tirade against the Mom is in order, describing all her inadequacies as a parent and how everything that just happened to her child is nobody's fault but her own.

People like this deserve a little shock therapy. People like this have no consideration of anybody but themselves. People like this should not be parents in the first place. People who bring their kids to the gym....I hate you.

People still trying to save the Panda

I'm sick and tired of this....People have been trying to save the panda for the last hundred years...with no luck whatsoever.

There's a major reason for this lack of success. And its not because global warming or predators or humans eating them....in fact, humans are the only reason why these things are still around.

The reason why their numbers keep reducing is this...Pandas are too fucking lazy to have sex. Let me repeat this...TOO LAZY TO FUCK!

Sex is the most basic instinct of every animal on the friggin planet and these things don't know what goes where. To me, thats a characteristic of an animal undeserving of our efforts and we should just let them go the way of the Dodo.

In addition to not having sex, these idiots only eat one thing that has no nutritional value at all and because of an inefficient intestinal system, the panda must feed for at least 12 to 16 hours a day. No wonder they don't want to bang, they're tired from laying around all day and eating.

We've gotten so desperate to keep these things around to look at them at the zoo that were artificially inseminating them. And then, when the babies are born, they have to take them away from the parents so they don't eat them. So not only are they too lazy to have sex because they spent all day eating, they then eat their own offspring when they finally do have some cubs.

Shouldn't we refocus our efforts on gorillas or manatees or something that actually wants to live? I think of pandas as sort of like terminally infirmed people that want the right to die and nature is just Jack Kevorkian. If nature had any intention of keeping these things around they would breed like bunnies...or rats.

Well last month nature struck back at these futile efforts to save these worthless sacks of shit. That earthquake in China puts 90% of the panda population in jeopardy which means that we as humans need to make a decision. Do we send more money down the toilet and tire out scientists arms to jerk off all males and artificially inseminate all the females or do we just let nature take it's course? I for one am in favor of the latter.

People who are still trying to save the panda...your efforts are futile, you're wasting time and money, and I hate you.

People on Public Transport who Stink

The summertime is the worst for this.....

Your sitting down on the bus or train and reading the paper on your way to work. Then...without warning, some dirty guy who smells like he wipes his ass with his hand, and looks like Mullet Man or KSM decides to stand directly over you.

This person (usually a guy) has his shirt soaking wet, with beads of sweat everywhere that fabric is not, breathing heavy and just really helping to start your day off on the right foot.

Slowly you see it happening, and inside you're shouting No, No, Please God No! This dirty mother fucker just decided to reach high above is head for the railing to hold on. Everybody nearby starts to scatter as they gag and gasp for fresh air...but you're staying strong because you don't want to give up the seat that you only get once a week.

You don't want to look up, but you can't stop yourself. Slowly surveying upward, you're eyes arrive at the pit to see hair about 4 inches long, glistening with sweat in the light. If this were a cartoon there would be green waves coming off of this dirt bomb. Then you make a break for it, jumping off at the next stop, and abandoning your train car for another. Another perfect morning riding public transportation.

These kinds of people have no sense of decency or consideration for anybody else. Who the hell raised these assholes? I don't care how old you are, or where you're from, but if you walk around like a human bio-hazard, I might be forced to embarrass you in front of everybody.

Just today, some woman gets on the train and stands right next to me, stinking like she hadn't showered in a week. On top of that, she decided it would be a good idea to wear an overwhelming amount of some floral perfume. If anybody has ever smelled BO combined with flowers, you have smelled death just like I have.

Bonus Hatred: A bus or train may be one thing....but riding on a plane cross country next to somebody who stinks is an entirely different beast. Forget about the 10-15 minute ride and toughing it out. On a plane you need to think long term survival strategy. I have devised more gas masks than I'd care to remember.

If public transportation wants to succeed, they need to create some basic cleanliness rules for riding. For starters, how about a machine that can rate how offensive you smell, anything higher than a certain level will not be allowed on. At the very least, the other passengers should be allowed to vote to kick any of these shit eaters off.

I don't think I'm asking for much here...Only that you not make my life miserable by stinking like a dead rat. People who stink on public transport....I hate you.

Dickheads on Crotchrockets

Dumber people are hard to come by....

18-25 year old morons doing motorcycle tricks through traffic at 120 mph. Is getting laid once in a while for your bike worth being in a hospital for a year when you finally fall and crack your head open and shatter your limbs?

I don't think it is. These people must have no game at all. It's not that hard to get laid. Shit, even ugly people have sex with somebody.

I'm not talking about easy rider types like Choppers and Harleys....those are cool as fuck. I'm talking about these dickheads that are weaving in and out of traffic at 120, flying in between the lanes, and popping wheelies for half a mile through traffic.

Who the fuck are you trying to impress? At least show off for a crowd or something and then stop and chill with them...that might get you laid. You gonna get some digits on the highway?

My guess is these people have tiny dicks....most likely wanted a Hummer and couldn't afford it so they go with a little Ninja so they can feel some power between their legs.

This wasn't always my opinion though. Things changed a few weeks ago when I encountered a couple of dickheads on crotchrockets doing tricks down 270 during rush hour. I was cruising at about 85-90 when these guys come up along side me on my right. I always try to avoid these guys because if I sneeze or something and my car swerves and hits them I'll feel bad.

I was happy to see the car in front of them move aside so they could pass. Instead, they both fall back a little bit and come flying by popping wheelies like in the picture above. Cool, I thought for about 30 seconds until one of these dickheads cuts in front of me and slams on his breaks and I narrowly avoid hitting him. I go from 90 to about 40 and have the cars behind me almost hitting me. Then they speed off again doing wheelies over 100mph.

Again this asshole slams on his breaks in front of me when I finally get close again. I'm wondering, what the fuck is going on here? These guys speed like crazy and weave in and out of traffic like they have somewhere to be and then slam on the breaks. Then it finally hits me. They are making me slow down really hard and having me almost hit them, to create a buffer zone in front of them so they can do their tricks.

I had enough of that shit after the third time and after they sped off, I was right up their ass honking like crazy and screaming profanities with rage in my eyes. They would be wise not to pull that shit again unless they had a deathwish. Well, my little ploy worked and they got out of my general area.

I subscribe to the "Do what you want as long as you don't impede me" school of thought, and these two definitely encroached on my area. Maybe they're not all this bad, but my last three days in LA don't show otherwise. It would seem as though motorcyclists don't actually use lanes and instead just drive between the cars. Perhaps one day somebody who gets as pissed off as me will sacrifice their door to send a message to the baby dick community. But until then....Dickheads on Crotchrockets, I hate you.

Fat Homeless People

We've all seen them on the street.....

Fat, Lazy, Stinky, Disgusting, Slobs, begging for some money. I don't know about the rest of you but these people piss me off to no end.

"Yo man, can I get a dollar?" "Got love? Can I get some love?"

Get out of my face you fat tub of shit. There are people starving all over the world and you think you deserve MORE free food?

I don't want to make myself sound too bad here. I don't hate all the homeless. Just the ones twice my size. Did they once have a job and a house and a family? My guess is they were too fat to work, couldn't afford rent, and then ate their loved ones.

When I give money to the homeless, and I do often, I must admit I don't do it just to give a dollar because I have them to spare. What I'm buying with that dollar or meal is a warm feeling inside and paying homage to my idealistic side by helping the needy. How am I supposed to get this good feeling giving more food to a less deserving fat person?

Give me skinny. Give me weathered. Give me emaciated. These are my kind of homeless. Sad and hungry and truly appreciative of what you have given them. On the other hand you have fat homeless who are not just annoying to look at, they're also really aggressive and never satisfied with what you give to them.

I'll tell you what, I'll start giving you money when you stop looking like a Medieval symbol of wealth. I should check out what they're serving at the shelter, because from the looks of some of these people its all you can eat mac n cheese, bacon, donuts, cheesecake, and ice cream shakes. Get these mother fuckers some lettuce.

If Mexicans and Central Americans are risking life and limb to pack themselves like cattle into a truck, or hike across desert, or swim across a river, all to pick fruit or whatever, then so can you. Fuck it, I'll pay for your bus fare. Those people don't even speak English and they're doing better than you lazy assholes. Poor skill-less people who doesn't speak the language can make it in America and you can't. Kill yourself now.

Fat Homeless People.....I fucking hate you

People who get on the Escalator Slowly

It seems to happen at least twice a week...

Your getting off the train about 5 minutes late for work and you hustle down over to the escalator. There is a trail of people behind you and just a few ahead. The line is moving quickly and you finally reach the front when somebody squeezes in from the side of the escalator to cut you off.

Then...BAM.....IT happens.

This (usually) old person jumps in front of you and you have to stop short to avoid completely crashing into (usually) her. Stumbling to keep your balance, you tip toe forward, eager to keep moving.

The dummy in front of you spends the next 7 seconds timing the escalator stairs as if they've never been to civilization in the last 50 years, keeping you, and the 100 other people now pushing behind you, from getting on the escalator and moving on with their lives.

The combination of rush hour and being late makes this experience unbearable and you get images in your head of tossing this person over the escalator railing. Does this person have no consideration for other people? She (usually) couldn't wait for the end of the line to jump on instead of rudely cutting the line and then breaking my stride and all those behind us?

When you finally get on behind (usually) her, it takes (usually) her until about half way up to move over so you can run up the left side, knocking the gigantic bag (usually) she is carrying off (usually) her shoulder, and smirking to yourself the rest of the way up, glowing in the satisfaction you just got from a little sweet revenge. Maybe (usually) she got the point, and maybe (usually) she didn't, but at least you keep your brain from exploding for another day.

So....people of the world who get on the escalator slow and don't give a shit about any of the people rushing behind you....I hate you

People Who Wear Flat Brimmed Hats

Yes, you....you're the one that looks like a douchebag.

Is it just me or does anybody else feel like yelling at or hitting a person like this every time they walk by? I absolutely cant stand looking at it and it annoys me to no end. With any luck, this style wont exist in 2009.

I don't know who the first person to wear their hat like this was, but the world owes them a kick in head, hopefully knocking that ridiculous looking thing off their dome.

If you're one of these people, there may still be hope for you yet. I think I have a plan to help people through this and assist them to reintegrate into society.

Step 1: Take off that ridiculous looking thing

Step 2: Bend the brim and wear it like a human or do your hair.

Step 3: If you have trouble with Step 2, all hope is lost and you should hang yourself from a chandelier.

BONUS HATRED: For douchebags really trying to kick it up a notch, the idea is to leave the sticker still on the hat. This signifies to other douchebags that this particular douchebag takes his douchebaggery seriously.

Those who take their stupid looking hat history as seriously as I do may recall a short period where people didn't just leave the sticker on, but left the store's tag on as well. Douchebaggery hit critical levels at this time and the flat brim movement was in danger of collapsing on itself under douche pressures like a neutron star. Leaders of the movement were concerned, but salvation came when skateboarding companies like DC adopted the flat brim. Thanks a lot for extending the idiocy guys.

With enough ridicule, we the people of the world, can put an end to this fad. Make fun of those with flat brims loudly and without mercy. They will break fast because of a weak mind, which is why they signed on to the trend in the first place.

So, to conclude...douchebags with flat brimmed hats of the world...I hate you.

Introduction

Welcome. In order to help keep my sanity and the sanity of those surrounding me, I've decided to write about things that I cant stand and things that annoy me. That is the sole purpose of my blog. I will be writing about things that annoy me as they occur and jump into my head. I would also be open to suggestion as I often forget things that annoy me when I swallow it down and don't scream in these peoples faces like I would like. With any luck, writing out my thoughts on the matter will help me prevent a brain tumor, aneurysm, stroke, etc.

Happy Hating!