Fat Homeless People

We've all seen them on the street.....

Fat, Lazy, Stinky, Disgusting, Slobs, begging for some money. I don't know about the rest of you but these people piss me off to no end.

"Yo man, can I get a dollar?" "Got love? Can I get some love?"

Get out of my face you fat tub of shit. There are people starving all over the world and you think you deserve MORE free food?

I don't want to make myself sound too bad here. I don't hate all the homeless. Just the ones twice my size. Did they once have a job and a house and a family? My guess is they were too fat to work, couldn't afford rent, and then ate their loved ones.

When I give money to the homeless, and I do often, I must admit I don't do it just to give a dollar because I have them to spare. What I'm buying with that dollar or meal is a warm feeling inside and paying homage to my idealistic side by helping the needy. How am I supposed to get this good feeling giving more food to a less deserving fat person?

Give me skinny. Give me weathered. Give me emaciated. These are my kind of homeless. Sad and hungry and truly appreciative of what you have given them. On the other hand you have fat homeless who are not just annoying to look at, they're also really aggressive and never satisfied with what you give to them.

I'll tell you what, I'll start giving you money when you stop looking like a Medieval symbol of wealth. I should check out what they're serving at the shelter, because from the looks of some of these people its all you can eat mac n cheese, bacon, donuts, cheesecake, and ice cream shakes. Get these mother fuckers some lettuce.

If Mexicans and Central Americans are risking life and limb to pack themselves like cattle into a truck, or hike across desert, or swim across a river, all to pick fruit or whatever, then so can you. Fuck it, I'll pay for your bus fare. Those people don't even speak English and they're doing better than you lazy assholes. Poor skill-less people who doesn't speak the language can make it in America and you can't. Kill yourself now.

Fat Homeless People.....I fucking hate you

People who get on the Escalator Slowly

It seems to happen at least twice a week...

Your getting off the train about 5 minutes late for work and you hustle down over to the escalator. There is a trail of people behind you and just a few ahead. The line is moving quickly and you finally reach the front when somebody squeezes in from the side of the escalator to cut you off.

Then...BAM.....IT happens.

This (usually) old person jumps in front of you and you have to stop short to avoid completely crashing into (usually) her. Stumbling to keep your balance, you tip toe forward, eager to keep moving.

The dummy in front of you spends the next 7 seconds timing the escalator stairs as if they've never been to civilization in the last 50 years, keeping you, and the 100 other people now pushing behind you, from getting on the escalator and moving on with their lives.

The combination of rush hour and being late makes this experience unbearable and you get images in your head of tossing this person over the escalator railing. Does this person have no consideration for other people? She (usually) couldn't wait for the end of the line to jump on instead of rudely cutting the line and then breaking my stride and all those behind us?

When you finally get on behind (usually) her, it takes (usually) her until about half way up to move over so you can run up the left side, knocking the gigantic bag (usually) she is carrying off (usually) her shoulder, and smirking to yourself the rest of the way up, glowing in the satisfaction you just got from a little sweet revenge. Maybe (usually) she got the point, and maybe (usually) she didn't, but at least you keep your brain from exploding for another day.

So....people of the world who get on the escalator slow and don't give a shit about any of the people rushing behind you....I hate you

People Who Wear Flat Brimmed Hats

Yes, you....you're the one that looks like a douchebag.

Is it just me or does anybody else feel like yelling at or hitting a person like this every time they walk by? I absolutely cant stand looking at it and it annoys me to no end. With any luck, this style wont exist in 2009.

I don't know who the first person to wear their hat like this was, but the world owes them a kick in head, hopefully knocking that ridiculous looking thing off their dome.

If you're one of these people, there may still be hope for you yet. I think I have a plan to help people through this and assist them to reintegrate into society.

Step 1: Take off that ridiculous looking thing

Step 2: Bend the brim and wear it like a human or do your hair.

Step 3: If you have trouble with Step 2, all hope is lost and you should hang yourself from a chandelier.

BONUS HATRED: For douchebags really trying to kick it up a notch, the idea is to leave the sticker still on the hat. This signifies to other douchebags that this particular douchebag takes his douchebaggery seriously.

Those who take their stupid looking hat history as seriously as I do may recall a short period where people didn't just leave the sticker on, but left the store's tag on as well. Douchebaggery hit critical levels at this time and the flat brim movement was in danger of collapsing on itself under douche pressures like a neutron star. Leaders of the movement were concerned, but salvation came when skateboarding companies like DC adopted the flat brim. Thanks a lot for extending the idiocy guys.

With enough ridicule, we the people of the world, can put an end to this fad. Make fun of those with flat brims loudly and without mercy. They will break fast because of a weak mind, which is why they signed on to the trend in the first place.

So, to conclude...douchebags with flat brimmed hats of the world...I hate you.

Introduction

Welcome. In order to help keep my sanity and the sanity of those surrounding me, I've decided to write about things that I cant stand and things that annoy me. That is the sole purpose of my blog. I will be writing about things that annoy me as they occur and jump into my head. I would also be open to suggestion as I often forget things that annoy me when I swallow it down and don't scream in these peoples faces like I would like. With any luck, writing out my thoughts on the matter will help me prevent a brain tumor, aneurysm, stroke, etc.

Happy Hating!