People still trying to save the Panda

I'm sick and tired of this....People have been trying to save the panda for the last hundred years...with no luck whatsoever.

There's a major reason for this lack of success. And its not because global warming or predators or humans eating them....in fact, humans are the only reason why these things are still around.

The reason why their numbers keep reducing is this...Pandas are too fucking lazy to have sex. Let me repeat this...TOO LAZY TO FUCK!

Sex is the most basic instinct of every animal on the friggin planet and these things don't know what goes where. To me, thats a characteristic of an animal undeserving of our efforts and we should just let them go the way of the Dodo.

In addition to not having sex, these idiots only eat one thing that has no nutritional value at all and because of an inefficient intestinal system, the panda must feed for at least 12 to 16 hours a day. No wonder they don't want to bang, they're tired from laying around all day and eating.

We've gotten so desperate to keep these things around to look at them at the zoo that were artificially inseminating them. And then, when the babies are born, they have to take them away from the parents so they don't eat them. So not only are they too lazy to have sex because they spent all day eating, they then eat their own offspring when they finally do have some cubs.

Shouldn't we refocus our efforts on gorillas or manatees or something that actually wants to live? I think of pandas as sort of like terminally infirmed people that want the right to die and nature is just Jack Kevorkian. If nature had any intention of keeping these things around they would breed like bunnies...or rats.

Well last month nature struck back at these futile efforts to save these worthless sacks of shit. That earthquake in China puts 90% of the panda population in jeopardy which means that we as humans need to make a decision. Do we send more money down the toilet and tire out scientists arms to jerk off all males and artificially inseminate all the females or do we just let nature take it's course? I for one am in favor of the latter.

People who are still trying to save the panda...your efforts are futile, you're wasting time and money, and I hate you.

People on Public Transport who Stink

The summertime is the worst for this.....

Your sitting down on the bus or train and reading the paper on your way to work. Then...without warning, some dirty guy who smells like he wipes his ass with his hand, and looks like Mullet Man or KSM decides to stand directly over you.

This person (usually a guy) has his shirt soaking wet, with beads of sweat everywhere that fabric is not, breathing heavy and just really helping to start your day off on the right foot.

Slowly you see it happening, and inside you're shouting No, No, Please God No! This dirty mother fucker just decided to reach high above is head for the railing to hold on. Everybody nearby starts to scatter as they gag and gasp for fresh air...but you're staying strong because you don't want to give up the seat that you only get once a week.

You don't want to look up, but you can't stop yourself. Slowly surveying upward, you're eyes arrive at the pit to see hair about 4 inches long, glistening with sweat in the light. If this were a cartoon there would be green waves coming off of this dirt bomb. Then you make a break for it, jumping off at the next stop, and abandoning your train car for another. Another perfect morning riding public transportation.

These kinds of people have no sense of decency or consideration for anybody else. Who the hell raised these assholes? I don't care how old you are, or where you're from, but if you walk around like a human bio-hazard, I might be forced to embarrass you in front of everybody.

Just today, some woman gets on the train and stands right next to me, stinking like she hadn't showered in a week. On top of that, she decided it would be a good idea to wear an overwhelming amount of some floral perfume. If anybody has ever smelled BO combined with flowers, you have smelled death just like I have.

Bonus Hatred: A bus or train may be one thing....but riding on a plane cross country next to somebody who stinks is an entirely different beast. Forget about the 10-15 minute ride and toughing it out. On a plane you need to think long term survival strategy. I have devised more gas masks than I'd care to remember.

If public transportation wants to succeed, they need to create some basic cleanliness rules for riding. For starters, how about a machine that can rate how offensive you smell, anything higher than a certain level will not be allowed on. At the very least, the other passengers should be allowed to vote to kick any of these shit eaters off.

I don't think I'm asking for much here...Only that you not make my life miserable by stinking like a dead rat. People who stink on public transport....I hate you.

Dickheads on Crotchrockets

Dumber people are hard to come by....

18-25 year old morons doing motorcycle tricks through traffic at 120 mph. Is getting laid once in a while for your bike worth being in a hospital for a year when you finally fall and crack your head open and shatter your limbs?

I don't think it is. These people must have no game at all. It's not that hard to get laid. Shit, even ugly people have sex with somebody.

I'm not talking about easy rider types like Choppers and Harleys....those are cool as fuck. I'm talking about these dickheads that are weaving in and out of traffic at 120, flying in between the lanes, and popping wheelies for half a mile through traffic.

Who the fuck are you trying to impress? At least show off for a crowd or something and then stop and chill with them...that might get you laid. You gonna get some digits on the highway?

My guess is these people have tiny dicks....most likely wanted a Hummer and couldn't afford it so they go with a little Ninja so they can feel some power between their legs.

This wasn't always my opinion though. Things changed a few weeks ago when I encountered a couple of dickheads on crotchrockets doing tricks down 270 during rush hour. I was cruising at about 85-90 when these guys come up along side me on my right. I always try to avoid these guys because if I sneeze or something and my car swerves and hits them I'll feel bad.

I was happy to see the car in front of them move aside so they could pass. Instead, they both fall back a little bit and come flying by popping wheelies like in the picture above. Cool, I thought for about 30 seconds until one of these dickheads cuts in front of me and slams on his breaks and I narrowly avoid hitting him. I go from 90 to about 40 and have the cars behind me almost hitting me. Then they speed off again doing wheelies over 100mph.

Again this asshole slams on his breaks in front of me when I finally get close again. I'm wondering, what the fuck is going on here? These guys speed like crazy and weave in and out of traffic like they have somewhere to be and then slam on the breaks. Then it finally hits me. They are making me slow down really hard and having me almost hit them, to create a buffer zone in front of them so they can do their tricks.

I had enough of that shit after the third time and after they sped off, I was right up their ass honking like crazy and screaming profanities with rage in my eyes. They would be wise not to pull that shit again unless they had a deathwish. Well, my little ploy worked and they got out of my general area.

I subscribe to the "Do what you want as long as you don't impede me" school of thought, and these two definitely encroached on my area. Maybe they're not all this bad, but my last three days in LA don't show otherwise. It would seem as though motorcyclists don't actually use lanes and instead just drive between the cars. Perhaps one day somebody who gets as pissed off as me will sacrifice their door to send a message to the baby dick community. But until then....Dickheads on Crotchrockets, I hate you.