People on Public Transport who Stink

The summertime is the worst for this.....

Your sitting down on the bus or train and reading the paper on your way to work. Then...without warning, some dirty guy who smells like he wipes his ass with his hand, and looks like Mullet Man or KSM decides to stand directly over you.

This person (usually a guy) has his shirt soaking wet, with beads of sweat everywhere that fabric is not, breathing heavy and just really helping to start your day off on the right foot.

Slowly you see it happening, and inside you're shouting No, No, Please God No! This dirty mother fucker just decided to reach high above is head for the railing to hold on. Everybody nearby starts to scatter as they gag and gasp for fresh air...but you're staying strong because you don't want to give up the seat that you only get once a week.

You don't want to look up, but you can't stop yourself. Slowly surveying upward, you're eyes arrive at the pit to see hair about 4 inches long, glistening with sweat in the light. If this were a cartoon there would be green waves coming off of this dirt bomb. Then you make a break for it, jumping off at the next stop, and abandoning your train car for another. Another perfect morning riding public transportation.

These kinds of people have no sense of decency or consideration for anybody else. Who the hell raised these assholes? I don't care how old you are, or where you're from, but if you walk around like a human bio-hazard, I might be forced to embarrass you in front of everybody.

Just today, some woman gets on the train and stands right next to me, stinking like she hadn't showered in a week. On top of that, she decided it would be a good idea to wear an overwhelming amount of some floral perfume. If anybody has ever smelled BO combined with flowers, you have smelled death just like I have.

Bonus Hatred: A bus or train may be one thing....but riding on a plane cross country next to somebody who stinks is an entirely different beast. Forget about the 10-15 minute ride and toughing it out. On a plane you need to think long term survival strategy. I have devised more gas masks than I'd care to remember.

If public transportation wants to succeed, they need to create some basic cleanliness rules for riding. For starters, how about a machine that can rate how offensive you smell, anything higher than a certain level will not be allowed on. At the very least, the other passengers should be allowed to vote to kick any of these shit eaters off.

I don't think I'm asking for much here...Only that you not make my life miserable by stinking like a dead rat. People who stink on public transport....I hate you.